I don't really remember blushing as I was growing up. I guess with all the time on stage I just was used to making a fool out of myself and I was okay with that. The adrenaline was addicting, and hearing people laugh (whether with me or at me) was fun! I don't know what happened, but my blush-less existence ended in April.
I was beginning a retreat at my church one Friday afternoon, and we were going around a huge circle of 30-40 people saying who we were and why we were there. Most people seemed pretty uncomfortable, so I decided to throw a joke into my answer. When my turn came I slapped a huge smile on my face, stepped forward, and exclaimed "Hi my name is Rachel and I am here because I need some energy and I want this retreat to be a Red Bull for my soul!" (Yes. It's cheesy. That's beside the point. Focus people.) Everyone laughed, and something weird happened. My face got hotter than the surface of the sun, and I immediately couldn't look anyone in the eye. The moment seemed to go on forever, and I have never been more grateful to step back in line. What was that???
I figured it was just a fluke, but the rest of the weekend was a hot faced mess. I could barely answer a question without blushing. What was wrong with me??? I had said a prayer for humility a few weeks ago, but this seemed like a very strange way to get it!
That was 3 months ago and I think my body is trying to make up for a lifetime of un-Tomato-ness. There are evenings where I am pretty sure I look like I am permanently sunburnt.
While I haven't warmed up (pun intended) to my new blushing habit, I have accepted it a little bit more. I can't control it, so why worry??
Last night was a perfect example of accepting my new rosy demeanor. I was invited to go salsa dancing with a friend of mine at a bar nearby. Have I been salsa dancing before?? Nope. Was I going to be bad? Most definitely. Did I say yes? You bet your Texas summer heat I did.
We got to the club and I felt a little bit like the inner voice of Lizzie as she shrieked "RUUUUUUUUUN" in the Lizzie McGuire Movie.
{if you caught that reference- gold star! If you didn't- here's what I mean}
{While you should watch the whole video, the part I'm talking about is at 2:45}
But I didn't drive myself, hence I was stuck. I watched from the side of the dance floor, trying desperately to memorize the moves and praying no guy asked me to dance.
1 song in, I was approached by a nice looking guy and asked to dance.
"I'm really bad," I warned him. "I've never salsa'd before."
He said that was alright and that he would teach me.
I wish I could say that I am a natural talent... I'm not. Oh well. But instead of fleeing the scene and hiding in the bathroom, I gritted my teeth and tried to look at least a little bit normal. Luckily, my dance partners were very kind and gracious to the fact that I was a newcomer to their world. Also luckily, the dance floor was dark, and no one could see the heat that stubbornly refused to go away.
It took 3 or 4 songs, but lo and behold, I began to enjoy myself! There were nice guys and good music. Each dancer taught me something new, and I loved all of the variety in this style of dancing! I was so glad that I forced myself to try again.
The evening was a lesson in humility. Every time I missed a step, I laughed at myself and moved on. Allowing the embarrassment to stay but not letting it affect my time really changed the nature of the evening. I was having a blast, and chose not to notice the other things.
Wouldn't it be great if we could do that with all things? We could speak up without worrying what others think? Act a certain way and like certain things without getting anxiety over the acceptance of others around us? Try new things and not freak out about looking like a dork?
It's a challenge to be sure, but I gather it would be worth it.
Is there something you have always wanted to try but haven't yet? What's holding you back??
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